GOODNESS SNAKES ALIVE?




When I was 16 years old I had some strange ideas about wanting a really great big snake as a pet. Around the house, I spoke about it often. It had to be one of those big Fat Boa constrictors. One day we saw they were on sale at the local pet store.


I went to the store to get one. The pet store owner told me that the snakes needed a lot of care and many live mice. Plus I would need a container to keep it in. You know that was too much money and too much work for me.


As an alternative to the live big fat Boa, he had these really great big real-life feeling and looking rubber snakes. They were much cheaper than a live one anyway. Also, they were user friendly.


It was winter, I had on this really big blue sweater. Under it, you could see a big bulge that looked like it was moving. Now I was ready to go into the house and surprise the folks. Mom knew that I went to the Pet Store.


Mom and Dad were sitting on the couch watching TV. In front of them was the coffee table covered with the Sunday Funnies.


I walked into the living room. With that funny smile on my face. Mom looked at me. She looked at my sweater and she started to get a little nervous.


Slowly........................ I let the rubber snake fall out of my sweater onto the coffee table. The snake was about 4 feet long and fat it bounced off the table onto the floor onto mom's feet.


You should have seen it. Mom could have won a gold medal at the Olympics that Sunday afternoon. The way she jumped over that coffee table as if magic had picked her up and made her fly. Mom landed on the other side of the table on both of her feet. Dad was laughing his butt off.


Mother Dear had on nylons. Flying into the kitchen her feet hit the freshly waxed floor. At that moment it mostly stopped being funny as her toes almost touched the ceiling. Landing with a thud that shook the house it seemed as if she was in pain, Dad looked at me his smile was gone. You better get the hell out of here and don't bring that thing back he yelled. ( I think he used a few other words that I will not write here.)


Anyway, I did and I didn't.

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